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What if my Phone Could Talk?

Posted on Nov 29, 2016 in My Thoughts


Hola!! Bienvenidos una vez más, me encanta que estén por aquí. Creo que nunca les he contado acerca de mi blog favorito: Man Repeller. Fue creado en el 2010 por Leandra Medine, suben artículos de todos los temas siempre con un toque de sarcasmo, neta hay veces que me tengo que reír en voz alta sin parar. La filosofía que predican es que seas tú misma y que le seas fiel a tu estilo sin pensar en lo que los otros van a pensar.

Bueno, hace un par de semanas estaba leyendo uno de sus posts en el que invitaban a los lectores a escribir un artículo en el que tenías que expresar qué diría tu celular de ti si pudiera hablar en 500 palabras. Me pareció una dinámica súper interesante, ya que es evidente que nuestro celular nos conoce más que nadie… sabe T O D O: lo que buscas en Google y Facebook, lo que escribes en tus mails y en whatsapp, a qué hora suena tu despertador, con quién y de qué hablas por teléfono, tiene acceso a todas tus fotos y vídeos, sabe cuando no le quieres contestar a alguna persona o cuando ese alguien no te contesta.

Nuestro celular conoce las cosas que hacemos pero no queremos aceptar, sabe que todos tenemos un pequeño stalker dentro de nuestro corazón que se pone a buscar sin parar en las redes sociales cuando quiere encontrar algo. También sabe perfectamente cuando estás esperando un mensaje con tanta urgencia que no dejas de ver la conversación cada 5 segundos, y se domina que cuando por fin recibes la respuesta, todavía te haces guey unos minutos para no verte muy intensa.

En fin, me puse a redactarlo y se los comparto a continuación con mucho cariño. Espero que les guste.

What if my phone could talk?

Sofia: “he knows me better than I know myself (I cannot even refer to my phone as “it”, for me it is a “he”. Did it make any sense?)”.

Sofia´s IPhone: “I have known her for a really long time, so I have a few key points that make her unique:  

  1. Sofia is not a morning person who also does not know how an alarm works. If she aims to wake up at 7:00 am she sets up the following alarms (which of course she snoozes) 6:25, 6:30, 6:32, 6:40, 6:53, and finally 7:00. I mean, why on Earth does she do that? Doesn’t she realize that she is actually sleeping less with all those pre-alarms?
  2. She is definitely hypochondriac. I need to surf the web constantly asking simple questions as “why do I feel tired?” to complex and weird ones such as “what does a head ache and a spinal pain before eating breakfast mean?”. The best one so far was when she made me look the symptoms of being pregnant when she was still a virgin. While I travelled in between the internet I could not help to think “Really???? Freeeaaaak alert!!!! And do not even get me started on her mails to every single doctor she has gone with. She cannot wait until the antibiotic gets into her blood and kills the virus, 1 hour after swallowing the medicines she is already typing to ask her doctor if it is normal to still feel the same.
  3. Sporty and competitive. She likes running outside. A lot. I have several runner´s apps downloaded in me, but I still do not get why she uses two or three to track down her distance if they throw out the same exact results. Also, one of her hobbies is to look constantly on the position board to see how far behind she is from her “running-friends”. Furthermore, she has a crush with my tracking steps app. She checks it every couple hour to see how many steps and floors she has climbed
  4. Anxious as hell. She may not check me every single minute, but when she is waiting for an answer, she cannot help herself refreshing me EVERY second. She can even keep it up for hours. She also likes to see how good or bad people respond whenever she uploads a photo to Instagram or Facebook. She cannot help to look, and look, and look, and look again.
  5. I never EVER ran out of battery. Whenever I am on my 20% she plugs me. I have to thank her for that, she never lets me die.
  6. Loves to sleep well. And she lets me sleep well too. Every time she goes to bed she puts me on airplane mode. Wohooooo, see ya!!!
  7. Absofukinglutely romantic. Even though she tries hiding it, she is one hell of a lover. She wants her own Mr. Big or millennial Chuck Bass, cliché I know. She constantly looks up quotes in Pinterest or Google about those two persons and saves them. When she has nothing to see, she opens “photos” and stares at them ages. She really really REALLY wants a ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can´t-live-without-each-other love. (SATC fan all the way).

That would be it. For now…”




La Martinica
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